Meditation & Grace: How I Maintain Serenity

For years I've been approached by several people, asking me what my "secret" is, or how it is that I can be so positive and peaceful in the midst of some pretty heavy and horrible stuff. They don't just ask me flippantly, they inquire deeply for books, techniques, even asking about my diet and lifestyle to figure it out for themselves. Today I received another inquiry, and it was through a Facebook  message: "I come to you because, in the midst of all your turmoil ..... you manage to find your peace and hold onto it, and you manage to post the words I need to see when I need to see them. I think there's a synchronicity to it. I'm rambling, but the short version is this - I want to know more about how you hold on to your serenity."

It's a personal topic, but I've received enough of these inquiries now, that I feel compelled to write something publicly. I'm not an expert or teacher in this area at all, so all I can do is share what has worked for me and why I think it helps. I feel a bit awkward even writing about this, but here goes. First, I want to say that I meditate. I have a regular practice that speaks to the deepest recesses of my heart. I didn't find it overnight- it took years, but I never gave up searching for the right practice or teacher. I always recommend the book "Autobiography of a Yogi" if people want to know more about me, personally, and why meditation is so important. It's written by my Indian guru, Paramahansa Yogananda. If anything, it's a fantastic read, and some have told me it helped with every unanswered spiritual question they've had. You don't need to follow the guru for the book to impact you; it can open doors to other practices, or turn your previous beliefs inside-out. Although with some people, they receive nothing from the book (don't understand it), while one person I recommended the book to ended up changing her life dramatically.. fortunately, it's a book that appeals to all faiths and belief systems because it encompasses very basic truths. It changed my life, and the teachings of my guru have been the primary, guiding force in my life. Or I should say, my relationship and personal experiences have been what I cling to in the darkest moments. I believe when we have found our soul's path, and we know 100% it's where we belong, we should follow it completely, faithfully, and wholeheartedly. So, I'm extremely devoted to my spiritual life, and it's the at core of everything for me. It's not really me holding on to my serenity, I am the serenity itself and it's only through the grace of my guru that I am still standing today.

I guess people need to know I spend a great deal of time doing nothing except sitting in reflection; in total quiet. I'm talking many hours on some days. We don't have television, so I have a lot of time for this. It took a while to stop calling myself "lazy" for doing it. Sometimes I'm thinking about things, feeling creative and envisioning new projects, and other times I'm basically in a state of decompression, so I just sit and notice my breath, my environment, and those around me. I also practice a form of meditation called Kriya yoga. My point is that I believe all this crazy stillness has helped me significantly over the years. Every big decision in my life has been made through insights I received in a state of intuitive reflection and/or meditation. It's a natural inclination I've always had, but if it weren't, I'd try to cultivate it. In our go-go-go culture, the art of sitting quietly is seen as a waste of time, but it's really where our minds and hearts germinate intuitive insights and great ideas.

The more in-touch I am with my inner reality, the less my outer reality affects me. I've noticed the more I meditate and explore what is inside me, it's far more beautiful and enticing than anything this world has to offer. It took years for me to realize that, but there is a special inner world I have that is very secret and personal. It's a relationship with the divine. I'm not some nut with an imaginary world, though! It's extremely real. When things happen in this outer world, they're just events going on, and I can work at witnessing them from that inner place of peace, strength, and serenity that I know I am. We're all there, in that place all the time. It's not about a 'belief' in a place within us-- it's about direct experience with that place, and is our true state of being. I don't believe, I know (but I'm far from a know-it-all!) I'm always working at trying to remain in that sacred state through everything I do. It's not easy, and I fail a hundred times a day, but it's always there when I need it. I call it "practicing the presence" but there are many ways of saying it. I don't know if I'm making any sense to those who have little or no experience with meditation. I apologize if this is confusing or complicated. My hope is that it helps those who have asked in their search, if you are still searching. We're all going there-- all rivers flow into the sea; we're all already there. This world is a major distraction, and the ego is constantly trying to make us focus on what's outside, instead of the soul. If you feel compelled to ask these types of questions of me, then you're being called from a very deep and primal place, so keep listening to that.

Other things have helped me, too, including:

• Allowing myself to feel my feelings fully, not being afraid of big emotions
• Realizing emotions are no more a part of my true self than my hands and feet, and not being swallowed up or controlled by them. Becoming a compassionate witness to everything we go through.
• Communicating my needs in a respectful way, and valuing myself enough to have a voice
• Letting go of expectations in relationships, and as a parent. Allowing others to be exactly as they are, and practicing acceptance.
• Being patient and gentle with myself, parenting myself with love. 
• Disengaging in toxic relationships. Releasing guilt completely, letting others go with love.
• Focusing daily on the brevity of life, and living fully in each moment. I never know when my last day might be, or when I may lose someone I love.
• Allowing myself great joy, and acknowledging how much I deserve it. 
• No matter how bad things get, I have a deep sense of my inner strength and a strong resolve to not allow anything external to bring me down. I am here to shine, and life is too short to dwell on darkness.
• I'm always meditating, even when I'm not sitting quietly in meditation, I'm working at remembering my soul, God, my guru, and doing everything for a higher power, and seeing divinity everywhere. Like I said, I forget over and over again.. but always return to these higher thoughts.
• Creativity- noticing that I create my life, and it can be whatever I choose it to be. Enjoying the moment, and creating things to always look forward to. Dreaming, and goals.
• Purpose & Service: I make sure my life has a sense of meaning and purpose, because it does whether I see it or not. I serve others daily, which always serves me.
• Needing and desiring very little from the world and from others. Filling myself up from the inside out on a daily basis.
• Practicing calmness and even-mindedness, even when I want to scream. Eventually, calmness has taken hold and become a more dominant response.

Last but not least, I want to say that constant gratitude does amazing things. It's almost an overused and trite word these days, but I'm talking about living in a state of sincere awe. When I first started my "spiritual journey" (for lack of a better term) about 20 years ago, I remember consciously choosing to change all my negative thinking. I was living with someone who complained a lot, and also noticed the culture had entrained me to believe nothing was enough, and that I wasn't good enough. I made a pact with myself to start a gratitude journal, and wrote in it daily for at least three months. I recall noticing how my mind started jumping to the positive aspect, instead of the negative. It affected everything-- how I saw the world, people, relationships, etc. I continued the practice for several months until it became an ingrained habit in my mind. Now, I cannot imagine being a negative person. At the time it was a new way of thinking, and it put some people off. Misery loves company, after all. But gratitude, to me, is probably the highest state of thinking. It has attracted so much good into my life, and the good is endless. I always tell people to just try it, see how it works for at least 3-4 months. It's not just the daily journaling, but watch your thoughts and words, and correct them when you can. It's where I began my process to greater peace and joy, and it never let me down.

These days, I'm working at accepting 'more' for myself-- greater peace, more freedom. And I'm opening up to new friendships, and coming out of my shell (a lifelong process). I'm letting go of guilt, both surrounding my severely autistic adult son moving to a home, and my mentally ill child having to leave. I'm letting go, and it's a big challenge with grief and loss showing its face from time to time. I feel I'm rising from a large pile of ashes these days. The process of personal unfoldment never ends, and life is never without challenges. We are meant to keep unfolding so that we can choose to reveal all our beautiful soul qualities, not so that we suffer. We do have a choice as to which way it goes.

I can see infinite possibilities in my life, and it is so, so sweet. I introspect, praise, and correct myself daily. May all beings find peace, joy, and happiness regardless of outer life experiences. May all beings discover the blinding, yet eye-opening magnificence of who and what they truly are.

"One day the sun admitted
I am just a shadow
I wish I could show you
the infinite incandescence
that has cast my brilliant image!
I wish I could show you
when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light
of your own being." -Hafiz


Resources:

• How to Meditate (through Self-Realization Fellowship)
• Purchase a copy of Autobiography of a Yogi
• Meditation for Beginners (Zen tips) 
• Basics on Meditation 
• 15 Books recommended by Buddhists
• Christian meditation through WCCM
• Transcendental meditation
• Amma and meditation
• Eckhart Tolle and meditation
• Sufi Meditation, Hazrat Inayat Khan
• Vipassana meditation center

Please feel free to add resources for readers in the comments section! There are countless teachers and types of meditation, which is great because it's not a one-size-fits-all deal.